Rock Wrangler

Crikey! Rock Wrangler here. Crikey again! I'm here to warn you about the impending danger of ferocious dangerous rocks. Now, before I get to far in depth, I'd like to explain who I am. I am certainly not Jonas Smucker, whoever that cool kid is. I am whatever the world needs me to be. I have had many years of rock training. In fact, I went to college and majored in rocks. So whatever I am saying is 100% factual. My interest in rocks started way back when my parents abandoned me in the jungle. There I first saw the danger caused by the rocks. I've seen people trampled, charged, poisoned, pushed off cliffs and bitten bye these ravenous creatures. I survived by making a set of survival rules. Rule number 1: Rocks are the only danger. When you are being attacked by say, a bear, you have nothing to worry about. But when you are being attacked by a bear who obeys a rockier authority, then we have a problem. Rule number 2: Never look a rock directly in the eye. This may provoke a serious attack which leads to intense pain. Rule number 3: Do not engage a rock socially or let it handle heavy machinery. Rule number 4: Never step on a rock. This only angers them, and could cause them to maul a poor passerby. Some rocks are also more aggressive than others, which leads to them stalking their prey. I will end my warning post with this final rule: Never trust a rock.